Won't You Let Me Take You on a Sea Cruise

 Knowing what to expect on a cruise helps make the most of it.

You absolutely have to show up for the muster drill, mandatory safety briefings that every passenger must attend before the ship can sail. Yes, they take attendance.

When you board your ship, you’ll be separated from your luggage, and your cabin may not yet be ready. Carry a backpack or zippered tote with documents, medications, a change of clothes, and any grooming necessities when you board, rather than packing them. If you need your pill or to remove your contacts, you’ll be glad you did. Also recommended: sunscreen, a hat, swimwear.

The last night of your cruise, you are expected to set out your luggage late in the evening. You will need to carry off whatever you’ve kept in the cabin for use overnight and in the morning—yet another use for that backpack.

Bring drugstore items you might need. Anything you buy onboard costs four to ten times what it does at home, and they don’t carry everything.

You cannot hang your wet swimsuit on your balcony or spread it on balcony furniture. There’s almost no hanging room in your cabin or its bathroom, both most likely small and cramped. A short length of clothesline and a few clothespins can let your wet things dry in the room while you sleep.

The walls are metal and magnets, especially strong ones with hooks, will serve you well.

Post-Its, a manila folder or large envelope, a highlighter, and a pen make it easy to remind yourself and one another about what’s going on each day.

There are few electrical outlets, including the bathroom. Bring a multi-outlet power strip--without the forbidden surge protector. Ones with USB ports are especially handy.

The internet on board is often slow or weak. People glued to their devices may well come unstuck. Cell phone connectivity occurs only near shore and must tap into the internet while at sea.

The pool is busy, and people reserve the chaise lounges with their possessions for hours at a time, even if they go elsewhere.

The art sales are extremely overpriced. They can be entertaining if you don’t buy anything.

Excursions sold by the cruise are safe, and if they are delayed, the ship waits for you. Excursions you find on shore are cheaper. They may not be vetted for safety and lateness can cause you to miss your sailing.

The time onboard your ship may not match the time at your ports of call, including what shows on your phone. Wear a watch set to ship time.

The public areas are nicely appointed and far more comfortable than your cabin—but they’re noisy. It may be difficult to read, even in the library. Consider sound-deadening earplugs or earbuds with music that masks conversation.

Your cabin has a TV, but little is broadcast and there’s a lot of repetition. Don’t rely on it for entertainment or news. Consider downloading TV and movies to your devices.

The ship supplies liquid soap, shampoo, possibly some lotion, and little else. Bring your own toiletries if this seems inadequate.

Things not to do on a cruise: Argue, or have noisy sex. (The walls are thin.) Have an open flame for a candle, incense, etc. Smoke outside the designated area. Smoke or use illegal substances. Go naked in your room or on its balcony. (Stewards enter if no one answer their knock.)