Thursday, September 6, 2018

Bring Out Your Dead--People's Stuff

There was a time, after I'd done this twice in a short span, that I considered doing it for money. Ultimately, lazy won, but I did write up what worked for me when clearing out the home of a relative who'd died or gone into a skilled nursing facility. Later I added a little regarding doing it for money.

SECURITY
Change the locks. You don’t know who has a copy. A friend or family member with a key can enter and take valuables or that one item they admire and get away undetected. Keep one key for yourself and a spare to someone who can be trusted and who is usually available during the time you expect to do the work. If the place is a rental, give the landlord or management company a key. Take pains to ensure windows are locked and doors dead bolted each time you leave.

Notify the landlord you will be there emptying the place for a period of days/weeks/months and that you are authorized to do so. Be prepared to show a copy of your contract, if any, or to show ID proving you’re a family member. Consider that a neighbor might call the police if they know the resident cannot be there but they see someone is inside.

Make sure the rent or mortgage, electricity, gas, water, and taxes are being paid. Phone, internet, and cable can be discontinued. Stop mail delivery to the house and have it forwarded to the responsible party.

If there is a vehicle and you are a licensed driver, take it around the block or on a brief errand a few times a month.

SUPPLIES
Bring with you and leave there on your first visit: wide tip magic marker, regular marker, trash bags, sandwich and gallon storage bags, lots of cardboard boxes, packing tape, blue masking tape, old newspapers and/or bubble wrap, two or more timers, an opaque container with a lid (like a coffee can), notebook and pen for notes to self, questions, etc.—and a roll of toilet paper.

GETTING STARTED
Use your computer to make large readable signs:
TRASH
RECYCLE
TAKE
DONATE
SELL
GET APPRAISAL
KEEP FOR FAMILY
UNDETERMINED
Do not make a sign for money, jewelry, collectibles, or any other valuables.

On the first visit take two or more pictures, or a short video, of each room so you have a record of what it contained. Don’t worry about its appearance and how it reflects on the former occupant. Open cabinets, closets, and drawers and take more pictures. You’re documenting all you dealt with.

Bring a helper and move large furniture items to the edges of rooms, creating space to work. (Don’t block closets or vents.) The nearer to an exterior door each item is, the better. Leave yourself at least one place to sit in comfort and one place where you can sit at a table. Don’t block shelves or drawers unless they’re empty.

Once the furniture is moved, decide where each category will be collected and use masking tape to stick your signs to the wall. This works best if the sorted areas are all in one large room with (or near) an exterior door, often the living room. Both Trash and Take should be near the exterior door, emptied each time you depart. Place the recycling bin below its sign. Make sure the area where items of value or potential value go is far from any category that might get it mistakenly removed, such as a different wall. If space is tight, use masking tape on the floor or carpet to clearly define areas and be careful about observing those lines. Usually you’ll be filling boxes or bags away from the area where items are sorted, but it can be helpful to have a few left below each sign, too.

Set up timers in two or more rooms to mimic the lights and a TV or radio (not too loud) going on at times a person would be likely to use them. Each time you visit, set the timers to a slightly different cycle. Change the positions of blinds or curtains. Pick up flyers and other indicators no one is there. Have the yard mowed, leaves raked, the driveway snowplowed. You want the place to appear occupied.

WHAT TO TAKE
With the family’s permission, usually whoever cleans is free to take things like house plants, perishable food from the refrigerator or freezer, opened packages of food (and sometimes alcohol that’s been opened), bottled water, snack foods, and soft drinks. Depending on your relationship to the former resident, you may be free to take items of little value that you can use, like small office supplies, candles, batteries, gift wrap, light bulbs, empty hangers, aluminum foil, coffee filters, plastic wrap, and other miscellany. If you’re clearing out the home of a stranger in a contractual relationship, don’t take anything without permission. It’s all right to group such items together and photograph them (without a Take sign in the frame) to inquire what you are supposed to do with low-value items thrift stores don’t want. It’s okay to say that rather than throwing them out, you can make use of them.

VALUABLES
Most people have items of value in the house that are not on display, either intentionally hidden or simply forgotten. As you empty drawers and closets, check inside boxes and envelopes, all the pockets of garments, within shoes and boots, every pocket of every purse and piece of luggage, and other potential hiding places. All cash, from pennies to bills, can go in that coffee can you brought. If anything is special about it—wheat stalk pennies, two dollar bills, foreign currency—put it in a sandwich bag to keep it separated.

Costume jewelry can go in a sandwich bag tucked into the money can or in a separate can if there’s a lot. Take the can(s) with you when you leave once it’s no longer just a little, or find out what the family wants done with it.

If you find other items of value, such as coins or stamp collections, furs, precious jewelry, or collectibles, photograph it and secure it off the premises if possible. If not, notify the family and ask what they want you to do with such items. Set them well out of sight and away from any items soon to leave the premises.

If you happen to know an item that appears ordinary is in fact collectible, treat it like any other item of value. If it’s something you collect, ask the family if you can buy it.

WHAT TO SET ASIDE FOR THE FAMILY
In addition to cash and other items of obvious value, family members may have specific items they want you to be on the lookout for, from furniture to paintings to Mom’s wedding dress. As you find them, photograph and confirm with the family that you have the correct item. It’s up to the family to evenly divide what has been set aside, so the fact that the expensive jewelry is going to the daughters while the son is getting old hand tools is not your problem.

There are many other things that are the family’s to deal with that need to be separated from the rest.

Set aside all financial papers, from wills to bank statements. Include insurance policies, deeds to property, birth certificates, marriage papers, uncashed checks, stock certificates, financial account statements, tax documents, mail from brokerage houses, and similar items. Organization is not your job. Set it all aside for the executor of the estate or for whoever is managing the affairs of the person. Box it all up and label it with a wide-tip marker.

Set aside unopened mail, sorted by Clearly Junk and Could Be Something. Put the items you believe to be bills or payments in a gallon plastic bag. Find out how the executor or person managing money wants to handle such items.

Set aside all photographs and other memorabilia like postcards, playbills, autograph books, journals and diaries, letters and greeting cards, handwritten recipes, souvenirs, etc. Box them up and label them. The lone exception might be what the family may prefer not to know about, such as pornography, sex toys, or Neo-Nazi or other hate-related items. If you’re doing this as a professional, your contract should reflect your client’s preferences, whether you have discretion to dispose of such items or are to sort them like all other possessions.

Set aside heirlooms. Ideally, you’ll know what’s an heirloom, but don’t count on it. If an item could be an heirloom, save it for the family. This includes fine china, crystal, silverware, sterling serving pieces, barware, art, display items, oriental rugs, antique furniture, and lots more. You’ll know most of it when you see it.

Set aside any computer, cell phone, or other electronic device, with cords and chargers.

Set aside any address book or file. People who exchange Christmas cards often keep just the envelopes to note the current addresses.

WHAT’S UNDETERMINED
Set aside items that are clearly incomplete. The cookie jars without lids, Chinese teapot separated from its cups, the plate that holds the matching pitcher, etc. often turn up to be reunited.

Bag and tape (or otherwise keep together) any broken parts to other items. Is it worth the repair if you have the broken bits? Not your decision.

Set aside things that you’re not sure the family will want to keep, but they might. This might include saved magazines and newspapers, display items that are clearly not expensive, incomplete projects, refrigerator magnets, vinyl records, and all sorts of things.

ROOM BY ROOM
Arrive with your phone and take a picture or video of the room where you will work and the sorted items, even if they’re boxed or in bags. Plug your phone into its charger and do the day’s sorting, then when you are done for the day, take a second picture or video. This shows your progress and proves what condition you left the place in. If you ever suspect a break-in, you’ll be able to compare pictures. If anyone accuses you of not doing the job, you have proof you did.

Start with the bathrooms. Nearly all that’s in them will be discarded, and there’s little or no furniture to deal with. Box up towels and shower curtains; if there is such a thing, leave out a worn or damaged towel for hand-drying. Leave hand soap, cleaning products and supplies, tissues, and toilet paper, which you are likely to use before the job is complete. Nearly everything else (except small appliances like shavers and hair dryers) can be discarded unless it is unopened an unexpired, in which case it can be donated. Dispose of medications safely, especially prescription medications. You may have to bag it up and seek a safe disposal event. You’ll be using the bathrooms every time you work at the task, so it’s not a bad idea to clean once it’s empty.

There’s going to be a lot of trash. Confirm whether you inconvenience others by filling a substantial portion of a shared dumpster, whether bagged or boxed trash not in a can or dumpster will be picked up, whether there are critters who will rip it open and make a mess, and so on. You don’t want your work on emptying the house to bother others.

Next is the kitchen, usually the worst to deal with, with little chance of uncovering anything of value. If it isn’t clean, wash the dishes first. While they dry, empty the unopened, unexpired food in the cupboards into boxes. Be aware donated items cannot be expired or past their Best By dates, even if they are still safe to consume. Place the items in Trash, Take, or Donate area. Pack up pots and pans, small appliances, utensils, knives, tableware, and other unbreakables and move the boxes to the appropriate area for disposal. Unless the family is hurting for cash, most of what’s in the kitchen will be donated rather than sold.

When you box things up, label it in wide-tip marker and stack so the marked sides or ends are all on display. It’s very helpful when people can look at stacked boxes and read what’s in each one, even if the box is in the Donate area. Add notations like HEAVY and FRAGILE as needed.

Go through the items in the refrigerator. Items requiring refrigeration or freezing cannot typically be donated, but if you feel they are safe, you can bag them up to take with you when you leave for the day, with the family’s permission.

Pack up the breakables last. Liquor boxes are great for glassware. Never place glassware on its side, no matter how well wrapped. Pad between every plate or bowl (Styrofoam plates are great for this) and set them flat in stacks no more than eight high, even if they’re only headed to a thrift store.

Last are the junk drawers. Most of it’s literally junk, but some belongs in Take or Donate, or Undetermined.

If you find product manuals that go with small appliances, put them together. Manuals for major appliances can be put inside each one or bagged and the bag taped to its outside.

When the kitchen is fully empty, surface clean it: wipe cabinet surfaces inside, clean counters, sweep the floor. Unlike the bathroom, this cleaning is necessary to keep vermin from finding anything to eat.

After the bathrooms and kitchen are done, the rest is easy in comparison. Pack up books—keep an eye out for photo albums, yearbooks, and books old enough to be of value—without making the boxes too heavy. Separate any vintage (pre-1965) or designer clothes or shoes for resale and pack the remaining clothing, shoes, coats, hats, and umbrellas for donation. Set aside sports equipment and musical instruments for the family to decide on. In the living room and other rooms, carefully pack and label display items, DVDs, CDs, etc. so all cabinets and drawers are empty. Tape remote controls to the back of the thing they operate, using packing tape. (Dust it first or it won’t stick.) Coil electric cords and secure with twist ties. As dressers and nightstands are emptied, move them into the living room if there’s space.

THE END IN SIGHT
Eventually you’ll have only furniture and sorted items, most in boxes you’ve labeled or bagged for donation. The Take and Trash signs can come down.

Leave the house broom clean, working around the boxes and bags of sorted items and the furniture. Your job was clearing out the house. Family may hire a cleaning service, or may hire you, but you don’t owe deep cleaning as part of emptying the house. It’s common for the family to gather to make decisions about the items you’ve set aside; they can all clean together.

The family may choose to gather to deal with the items you have sorted or to send a representative. That person must arrange for the disposition of everything remaining, from shipping the heirlooms to scheduling pick-up by or delivery to a thrift store for the Donate items. That isn’t your job.

The family may ask you to be present for Craigslist sales, to take items to thrift stores, or to host a garage sale. You are not obligated to agree. Your work is done. If as a professional you do anything more, it is outside your contract and is paid for separately. If you’re part of the family, ask that you be compensated for the time and effort you’ve already put in that they have not, and seek more if they ask more of you Being the nearest relative doesn’t obligate you to do it all.

When you clear people’s homes for money, you need to be bonded, to have a contract in place before you begin, and to be paid at certain points of completion, not at completion. A family intending to pay for your work when the house is empty may learn there is no money in the estate before you finish and refuse to pay from their own funds.

Arrange for payments by automatic money transfer, rather than waiting for a check in the mail. You prove a portion of the work is done by photographs. You do not proceed until you have been paid.



Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Public Figures


Fat Shaming is a big deal these days. Quite a few young, active people who are not overweight don't see what's wrong with it. Isn't being fat directly the fault of the lazy-ass chip-crunching couch potato they're shaming?

One day these people will enter that stage of their lives when they are too busy at work and at home to exercise, when they spend days or weeks hungry, their light meals unable to sate their appetites, when they exercise three times as much, lose a little weight, but will not be able to maintain that lifestyle and put those pounds and a little more back on in less than half the time it took to lose it. What lardbuckets they'll be!

People who are overweight know it. They have mirrors, friends and family who occasionally show disdain for their bodies and eating habits, and strangers delighted to make them feel disgusting. It seems to be to be an extension of that juvenile stance of building up one's own self-esteem by being critical of others.

I'm not saying it's okay to be fat. Being more that somewhat overweight is bad for your health in all kinds of ways. What I'm saying is that another person's weight is none of your damned business. Keep your ugly opinion to yourself.

Today's Twitter feed included people criticizing two different politicians, both of whom obviously struggle with their weight. Someone remarked how one looked like he wore an overnight diaper under his trousers. But had we seen this other man, who looked like a beached whale? Or like he'd eaten a whale! Three people I know to be decent and kind to others thought this was okay, even funny.

My political opinions directly oppose everything these two politicians are attempting to legislate, but I still found criticizing their appearance both abhorrent and pointless. Who cares what they look like? Let's judge our politicians on their platforms and actions.

Every time you criticize the body of a public figure, your unkind words remind every overweight person what you think of them, too, even if you're too polite to say it.

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Summertime Blues


All winter, I'm like everybody else: Come on, summer! Right until it arrives, I'm eager. Every year I forget the season's many annoyances.

With windows open and fresh air wafting in, the sounds of mowers near and far start early and remain constant. The shrieks of happy or outraged children and the radios of construction crews intrude into my thoughts. Music blasting from passing cars prevents me from writing.

Virtually every road leading to any destination is under construction. The flagman or woman often seems not to know how to signal what's an order to stop the car and what's a gesture while holding a flag and a walkie-talkie. There's seldom any warning that my usual route will become impassable.

There are ants inside and bloodthirsty mosquitoes outside who like me especially much, and for a fun three weeks, carpenter bees by the front door. In August, the stink bugs will arrive in our bedroom and we can't see how they're getting in.

The lawn and small garden need weeding constantly, and there is little hope of ever pulling all the wild grape or Virginia creeper. One end of my small garden will consist entirely of bare earth due to seed germination failures or the more expensive deaths of purchased plants.

There's a vacation to plan and pack for, plus our anniversary and three birthdays, two of them for the hard-to-shop-for family members. Underwear for all!

I have a funny tan from walking in shorts and athletic shoes. Even though I sunscreen my legs, my feet are fish-belly white in comparison. Sunscreen is very hard to remove from a car's leather or vinyl, and impossible to remove from the neck and sleeve hems of T-shirts.

This year, like last, I detest the way I look in a bathing suit and cannot find my damned sarong, which has got to be in the house somewhere. When I go to the closest beach nevertheless, the water's so cold swimming is not an option. And there's some kind of biting fly.

The air conditioner cannot keep up on the hot days, and there's never any time to do the craft painting or tree planting I planned when the snow lay thick.

There are concerts and festivals and events galore, and parking within a reasonable distance of any of them is a pipe dream.

But today my outing reminded me of summer's underappreciated pleasure: I drove for more than a mile on a newly paved road, not yet striped with lanes and so smooth my tires made no sound. If I'd been on my way to get fresh ice cream in a waffle cone, summer would be just about perfect.

Friday, May 4, 2018

Vive la Différence

For several years now, the spouse and I have been contemplating a move to be near one of our daughters. She lives in a place that’s politically conservative (though she is not), led by a governor who’s stripped away workers’ rights to collective bargaining, cut funding to education from elementary schools to state universities (including removal of tenure track positions for professors), slashed taxes in ways that benefit wealthy property owners and corporations, announced intentions to openly defy laws on emissions from coal plants, says the EPA should be closed, discriminates against gay couples and transgender individuals, and is so tough on crime his budget includes far more for prisons than education.

And the voters there re-elected him. This speaks volumes about the kinds of people who live there.

This morning I shopped for groceries at the flagship store of the best grocery chain in the United States, which prides itself on product selection and customer service. Its clientele, as always, showed by their appearances that they’re largely upper middle class or even wealthy.

I was at the checkout, chatting with a friendly cashier as usual, when a man interrupted to ask her where to find an item. He was not like the other shoppers.

He was probably in his sixties, black, and cooler than I’ll ever be. This man didn’t walk; he sauntered. He wore zebra-print trousers, gold boots, a stylin’ hat, and sunglasses, indoors on a cloudy day. Where unadorned stubble might appear on a less hip man, he had gold glitter.

The cashier directed him to the item then returned to my order. “I’m glad,” I said, “to live in a place where a man feels both free and safe to present himself however he decides he wants to be.”

“Me, too,” the cashier said. “Who am I to say he can’t dress like that? What right does anybody have to dictate something so personal?”

Such moments give me pause. Would a state so conservative protect the rights of this man like they would my privileged white rights? Would business owners and their employees have no problem with treating him like any other shopper in a state where the different face discrimination?

Maybe I’ll stay right where I am and see if I can’t get The Kid to move here.