Black Wines Matter

What's a properly self-isolating woman to do to support the Black Lives Matter movement? She can use her computer and her wallet, of course, but she can also put her money where her mouth is by purchasing wine from Black-owned wineries.

Sources: Newsweek June 6, 2020; Wine Enthusiast June 8, 2020; Rose Mansion June 4, 2020

Abbey Creek Wine
Alexis George Wines
Amour Genéve
Aslina Wines
Bodkin Wines
Brown Estate
Charles Wine Company
Charles Woodson Intercept
Corner 103
Darjean Jones Wines
Davidson Wine Co.
Domaine Curry Wine
Domaine Curry:
Dwade Cellars
Earl Stevens Selections
ENAT Winery
Esrever Wines
Eunice Chiweshe Goldstein Winery
FLO Wine 360
Fog Crest Vineyard
Free Range Flower Winery
Frichette Winery
Indigené Cellars
J. Moss Wines
Jenny Dawn Cellars
L' Objet Wines
L’ Objet Noir
L’Tonya Renee Red Blend
La Fête du Rosé
Le Loup Gris
Longevity Wines
Love Cork Screw
Lovelee Wine
LVE Wines
Maison Noir Wines
Markell-Bani Wines
McBride Sisters
Michael Rose Cellars
MYX Fusions
Okapi Wines
Ole’ Orleans Wines
P. Harrell Wines
Sapiens
Shoe Crazy Wine
Simply Love Wines
Sip & Share Wines
Sosabe Wines
Stoney Wines
Stover Oaks Vineyard & Winery
Stuyvesant Champagne
Stuyvesant Champagne
Taste Collection Cellars
Theopolis Vineyards
Tympany Vineyards
Vina Sympatica
Virgo Cellars
Vision Cellars
Wachira Wines
Wade Cellars
Wandering Wines
Wifey Brands
Zafa Wines

Going It Alone: Self Isolation Tips

The Introvert’s Guide to Happy Self-Isolation

I’ve joked online for years that I live like a hermit by choice, but it’s no laughing matter for the extroverts chafing under self-isolation, craving the social contacts they cannot safely enjoy. So here are some tips from a grizzled stay-at-home-all-day-every-day veteran.

TIME MANAGEMENT

Set an Alarm. Get up about the same time every day. You can get more sleep than usual, sleep until a later hour, but get up. Likewise, go to bed about the same time every night. Sufficient sleep is a luxury for lots of working people, but it’ll do you good, both physically and psychologically.

Schedule Activities. Have blocks of time set aside for certain activities each day. Why? Because it’s too easy to refresh social media, check your phone yet again, and otherwise spin your wheels, accomplishing nothing and not enjoying yourself, either. (Which would count as accomplishing something.) Mix up things you do for pleasure and things you do because they need to get done.

Block out Reading Time. Even if you’re not a reader, a well chosen book will transport you from the present world and its problems to someplace else. You do not need to read something challenging, although this is a fine time to do that if you feel like it. Reading strictly for pleasure and entertainment is the goal.

Schedule Food, Too. It’s easy for someone unaccustomed to being home all the time to eat all the time, and stress eating is real. So eat your usual meals, slate yourself some regular snack times, but don’t sit down to any activity and stop every half hour to eat something. When this is all over, you don’t want to emerge with a weight gain.

Pre-Arrange Time with Friends or Family. Maybe you meet for cocktails with your parents via Skype thirty minutes before you need to start dinner, or FaceTime over coffee with a friend mid-morning. “Seeing” someone every day for conversation has the power to normalize the way you’re living. You can pre-arrange to see someone daily, rotating among friends and family members. (Please help low-tech people if you can.)

Differentiate Weekdays from Weekends. It helps to have some semblance of the normal rhythms of ordinary life. Put different things on your weekend schedule than the weekday. Maybe dinner Friday night is take-out, or something a little fancy served with wine. Maybe it’s movies in the evening instead of series TV. Maybe you do something religious or spiritual. Maybe you make a pizza Saturday night. Whatever makes the feel of a weekend different is good.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

Dress Yourself. Uncertainty, depression, isolation—what’s the point of getting dressed when pajamas are so very comfortable? And who’s to know if you washed today or brushed your teeth? While comfort is important when you’re stressed, make yourself bathe and dress every day. It does good things for your state of mind, even if all you achieve is sweatpants and a T-shirt.

Use Your Body. Some of your scheduled activities should be physical motion. Whether you go for a walk or run in the deserted streets, change the sheets on all the beds, tackle yard work, take a yoga class online, or scrub the kitchen floor on hands and knees, being physical is good for your body and your mind. See if you can get a minimum of thirty minutes six days a week, mixing it up however you like.

Feed Your Body. Some stress eating and treats are okay, but not every day and not in large portions. While grocery stores struggle to maintain stock, buy and eat what’s available that’s essentially healthy.

Feed Your Inner Self. Do something solely because it brings you pleasure, peace, or comfort, daily if possible. Take a long soak in the tub. Meditate or pray. Pet your pet (hence the name, right?). Go for a drive. Have sex with your partner or solo. Sing or play an instrument.

Not Too Much. If you drink alcohol or use marijuana, don’t let yourself overindulge as a new way of daily living.

Soothe the Savage Breast, or Beast, Whichever You Have. Use music to set moods that match your needs. New Age and Classical allow you to do work that requires thought. The right kind of rock gives you energy for tasks. Other music makes a pleasant background for cooking, during a meal, or to listen to while you enjoy a stroll.

Breathe. There’s something different about fresh air. Open windows if it’s warm enough, airing out one room at a time. Better, get yourself outside regardless of the weather. You can walk or run, or simply sit in a chair in the yard or on a park bench, even if it requires a coat. Stroll a public park or hiking trail if social distance is possible for all. Don’t let temperature or precipitation be what stops you. A walk in the rain can be really calming.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR SPACE

Organize a Little at a Time. Your day’s schedule should often incorporate something that organizes your home. Clean the coat closet, the sock drawer, kitchen cabinets, under the bathroom sink. Throw away, set aside to donate, re-arrange for actual use.

Cleanliness is Next to… Something. Walking into a place that’s usually cluttered or dirty is very, very different than when it’s clean, free of dust, nothing out that shouldn’t be. Schedule cleaning right up there with organizing. Messes and clutter that seem too large to tackle can be dealt with in the time you suddenly have.

Fix It and Forget It. You have things you’re holding onto because they need a small repair, mending, the hem reattached, a new screw, a dab of paint, right? Now’s the time. If you don’t have the materials, make a list. Order online, or shop, maintaining social distance and washing well afterward, if the store is open.

Big Deal. A break of weeks at home is also the time to undertake some projects that seem just too much for a weekend. Is this the time to tear out carpet, paint the bedroom, deep clean the car inside and out, build those movable shelves to hold the bins of fabric, camping gear, tools, or keepsakes? Yeah.

CREATE

Return to a Hobby. Or try a new one, accepting the learning curve. YouTube has videos, websites have tutorials, and if you have or can get the materials, you could be doing something that both makes something cool and brings you satisfaction and pride. There’s no limit to the possibilities here.

It’s Only Words. There’s time to write that story or get a start on the novel, try your hand at poetry, write up family history to pass on to relatives, or a zillion other projects that involve writing. Remember that whether anyone ever sees what you write is entirely your choice.

Adventures in the Kitchen. There are websites galore with new recipes for you to try, alone or with others. Find something that sounds good and give it a try.

Think of Others. While you’re at home bouncing off the walls in your eagerness to get out, don’t forget that within a few miles there are health care workers who haven’t had more than twelve hours off in weeks and live away from their families in fear of contagion, people unable to afford food for their kids, worried about Dad alone in another state, suffering increased symptoms from their mental illness, unable to get the drugs they need for serious health problems, sick with something that could be COVID-19 if there were enough tests to know for sure. Take a moment to be thankful all you are is stir-crazy, and to give to help others however you can.

ABCDEnough

July 28, 2019

When it rains, it pours. And hails.

The Monday before a trip planned to begin the following Sunday, I took my car in for its state inspection. On the drive there, the check engine light came on, showing transmission fluid overheating. They could reset it, they said, but the inspection requires data so they couldn’t perform it until I’d driven fifty miles.

During the fifty miles, the check engine light came on again. It went off after the car had sat in the garage overnight and didn’t come on when I started it again. I called but the next service appointment wasn’t until the following week, when we planned to be in another state and our inspection would be expired. They suggested I leave it all day Friday, which I did. They inspected it and passed it, and fixed some wiring leading to the transmission temperature sensor. They didn’t charge for the wiring.

Good thing, since the light came on again on my drive home. I called and was assured it was safe to drive on a trip and they’d try again on my return.

Sunday, the house was awfully warm. The house’s air conditioning wasn’t cooling. This prompted us to leave early, breaking the very long day’s drive into a half a day Sunday afternoon and a regular day Monday.

As we backed out of the driveway, we saw that bees were swarming their favorite spot, which had required an exterminator the year before. No time for that now.

We were nearly an hour away from home, the check engine light on, when the warning chime for a dangerous condition sounded and the panel showed us with no data from the sensor. Then a dial showed, the temperature at the middle. Jump to the maximum. Disappear, no data. Middle again. Maximum. The whole time the chime was sounding about every 60 seconds. We could not make a trip like this.

So we drove home—the house was really warm now—and put our luggage into the other car, which is fifteen years old and needs a muffler. We backed out a second time, noting there were at least ten bees gnawing their way under our siding. The person who’d be picking up our mail wasn’t going to like that.

Nearly two and a half hours after we’d initially left, we were on the road again. We wouldn’t reach our hotel before dinner, so where should we stop? We discussed revisiting a restaurant we’d enjoyed well enough for lunches in past trips.

When we arrived, it had gone out of business. There were two other restaurants near the exit. One had an hour wait, the other a half hour. We didn’t want to lose that much time.

We drove past the major city and its immediate suburbs and saw a chain restaurant that didn’t have a full parking lot. Good enough—barely.

Over dinner, we checked our email and had a message left at 7:46 pm. on our landline back home from Home Depot in Watertown, Massachusetts. We don’t live there, but our daughter isn’t far. I texted her; she’d been waiting all day for them to email and text her at her own number that her order was ready for pick up. No, she hadn’t given the landline number at a place she hasn’t lived for a dozen years. Her last name isn’t the same as ours since her marriage. How they’d gotten that number and why they ignored the one she gave remains a mystery—but there was no mystery that the store was closed for the day.

Our hotel check-in went smoothly enough, but there was a wait for the elevator, because one wasn’t working. I’m in the hotel now, mulling over our day.

A, the air conditioning broke

B, the bees are swarming our front door

C, the car was undriveable despite being in for service twice that week

D, our dinner choice was impossible, and so were back-ups in the vicinity

E, the elevator was out

F, Home Depot fucked up on who and how to notify an order was ready

I can’t wait for G.

Friends Whose Names I Don't Know

For decades, I’ve shopped at a particular Wegmans within a two-hour range on a weekday morning. As you’d expect, you see other people whose habits are similar to your own. Maybe you say Good morning or I don’t think much of these green bananas after a year or two. Eventually you talk briefly about the store and it contents, the city you’re in, the weather, a tragedy in the news. You aren’t friends, but you connect with these people.

They remark when they don’t see you for a few weeks, and you tell them of taking your oldest off to college, the funeral you attended, the vacation you enjoyed. Once or twice a week for years, you exchange pleasantries, without even knowing their names.

I have more than one Wegmans-friend, but the one I saw today is special. At one time, he was always with the same woman, clearly her assistant of whom she was fond and vice versa. Over time I learned she’d lost her husband to MRSA in what should have been a routine surgery, and getting out of the house regardless of the weather, shopping every day for food, did her good. Over a period of years, her own health failed and he shopped for her, and we continued to chat over nothing much. Later he appeared to be shopping for himself and I presumed she no longer employed him. I could only guess the reasons, none of them pleasant.

“Haven’t seen you in a month!” he’d say. “You been good?”

I’d tell him of a weekend in Boston, our younger daughter’s search for work, the traffic that made me appreciate where I live.

Today he didn’t look so good. We waved from across the store, and for no particular reason, I stopped, waiting for him to catch up. “How have you been?” He was thinner than I’d ever seen him, and looked tired.

“Not so good,” he said. “My daughter passed, on Mother’s Day.”

“That’s awful. I’m so sorry.”

To my surprise, the tears of sympathy were immediate. I’m not a person who cries easily or often. But it was too easy to imagine the loss of either of my own girls. 

I didn’t hesitate. This was my friend, whether I knew his name or didn’t. I hugged him and cried for his pain, right in the produce section. We talked a while, me crying the whole time, and I learned that this was his second daughter to die in a two year period, the happy one who was always able to draw a smile out of him when he picked her up from work no matter how grim his thoughts. He had another daughter who’d suffered a massive stroke and could not speak. She appeared to recognize family members, but maybe that was just what he wanted to see. He was taking this fresh loss hard, hadn’t been able to really cry about it.

There is no right way to grieve, I reminded him, no clock on when he had to cry. I muttered some platitude I don’t even believe and hugged him a second time.

People stared when a plump white woman hugged a somewhat rough looking black man, and others stared when that woman cried or sniffled through the soup aisle and bulk food.

This was a real connection, a human who cared about another human’s pain and loss. I don’t know his education, political beliefs, who he hates or fears, any of that. I just know he was hurting, and that I truly cared.

Where Jason Momoa Goes Wrong

A certain segment of the internet went insane April 18, 2019, when manly-man actor Jason Momoa shaved off the beard he’s sported since 2012 to garner attention for the damage to the environment caused by single-use plastic bottles.

The video, posted on his Instagram and at his YouTube channel, shows Momoa and a bearded male friend hiking across rocky desert terrain heavily littered with plastic bottles. It’s sad and dispiriting for the viewer to see firsthand how the people who enjoy being in such a natural place value it so little they despoil it.

Using electric shavers—not the most environmentally friendly choice—Momoa and Friend start in on their facial hair, Momoa talking all the while about the need for change, the environmental damage done by plastics, and the fast recyclability of aluminum. There’s no need for bottled water to come in plastic which gets thrown away or becomes litter, he says. Instead, water could be sold in aluminum containers, which recycle endlessly.

Lo and behold, as Momoa continues to bare more and more of the lower face only the longtime fans recognize, he bares the real reason for this video. He is developing a line of canned waters with Ball Corporation of Colorado. While his motive for the enterprise surely includes what’s good for Mother Earth, it’s about what’s good for Jason Momoa. Ugh. Does a symbolic deed still count if it’s  monetized?

Here’s what the video doesn’t do.

• It doesn’t encourage Momoa’s many fans to deal with their own plastic waste responsibly.
• It doesn’t propose legislation such as New York’s, with plastic bottles, including water, subject to a refundable five-cent deposit—the end result being that people pick up discarded bottles everywhere they’re found. (As a veteran hiker of New York’s parks, trails, and canals, I’ve never seen plastic litter like Momoa’s video shows.)
• It doesn’t suggest that fans of Momoa or his stance on plastic waste clean up plastic and other litter on sight, or that they coordinate to remove plastic waste from public sites.
• It doesn’t imply that Momoa and Friend intend to do anything to clear the site where they recorded this video of the unsightly plastic debris which made it the right place for their purpose.

That’s how I would have liked this video to end, with Momoa and Friend filling up the pink climber’s bag Momoa carries (promoted on his previous Instagram post), and another, and another, maybe with families, kids, and other friends of the planet joining in, until there’s a lot of people, long row of bagged plastics ready to carry out, and a clean landscape the way Nature made it. Pan the scene, cut.

Addendum: And the truth behind the self-serving comes out. Yes, it was indeed time for change, not only to introduce Momoa’s canned waters. Momoa’s next Instagram post shows him with a fellow cast member of the Dune remake which began production that day—a role for which Momoa has to be clean-shaven.

Bring Out Your Dead--People's Stuff

There was a time, after I'd done this twice in a short span, that I considered doing it for money. Ultimately, lazy won, but I did write up what worked for me when clearing out the home of a relative who'd died or gone into a skilled nursing facility. Later I added a little regarding doing it for money.

SECURITY

Change the locks. You don’t know who has a copy. A friend or family member with a key can enter and take valuables or that one item they admire and get away undetected. Keep one key for yourself and a spare to someone who can be trusted and who is usually available during the time you expect to do the work. If the place is a rental, give the landlord or management company a key. Take pains to ensure windows are locked and doors dead bolted each time you leave.

Notify the landlord you will be there emptying the place for a period of days/weeks/months and that you are authorized to do so. Be prepared to show a copy of your contract, if any, or to show ID proving you’re a family member. Consider that a neighbor might call the police if they know the resident cannot be there but they see someone is inside.

Make sure the rent or mortgage, electricity, gas, water, and taxes are being paid. Phone, internet, and cable can be discontinued. Stop mail delivery to the house and have it forwarded to the responsible party.

If there is a vehicle and you are a licensed driver, take it around the block or on a brief errand a few times a month.

SUPPLIES

Bring with you and leave there on your first visit: wide tip magic marker, regular marker, trash bags, sandwich and gallon storage bags, lots of cardboard boxes, packing tape, blue masking tape, old newspapers and/or bubble wrap, two or more timers, an opaque container with a lid (like a coffee can), notebook and pen for notes to self, questions, etc.—and a roll of toilet paper.

GETTING STARTED

Use your computer to make large readable signs:

TRASH

RECYCLE

TAKE

DONATE

SELL

GET APPRAISAL

KEEP FOR FAMILY

UNDETERMINED

Do not make a sign for money, jewelry, collectibles, or any other valuables.

On the first visit take two or more pictures, or a short video, of each room so you have a record of what it contained. Don’t worry about its appearance and how it reflects on the former occupant. Open cabinets, closets, and drawers and take more pictures. You’re documenting all you dealt with.

Bring a helper and move large furniture items to the edges of rooms, creating space to work. (Don’t block closets or vents.) The nearer to an exterior door each item is, the better. Leave yourself at least one place to sit in comfort and one place where you can sit at a table. Don’t block shelves or drawers unless they’re empty.

Once the furniture is moved, decide where each category will be collected and use masking tape to stick your signs to the wall. This works best if the sorted areas are all in one large room with (or near) an exterior door, often the living room. Both Trash and Take should be near the exterior door, emptied each time you depart. Place the recycling bin below its sign. Make sure the area where items of value or potential value go is far from any category that might get it mistakenly removed, such as a different wall. If space is tight, use masking tape on the floor or carpet to clearly define areas and be careful about observing those lines. Usually you’ll be filling boxes or bags away from the area where items are sorted, but it can be helpful to have a few left below each sign, too.

Set up timers in two or more rooms to mimic the lights and a TV or radio (not too loud) going on at times a person would be likely to use them. Each time you visit, set the timers to a slightly different cycle. Change the positions of blinds or curtains. Pick up flyers and other indicators no one is there. Have the yard mowed, leaves raked, the driveway snowplowed. You want the place to appear occupied.

WHAT TO TAKE

With the family’s permission, usually whoever cleans is free to take things like house plants, perishable food from the refrigerator or freezer, opened packages of food (and sometimes alcohol that’s been opened), bottled water, snack foods, and soft drinks. Depending on your relationship to the former resident, you may be free to take items of little value that you can use, like small office supplies, candles, batteries, gift wrap, light bulbs, empty hangers, aluminum foil, coffee filters, plastic wrap, and other miscellany. If you’re clearing out the home of a stranger in a contractual relationship, don’t take anything without permission. It’s all right to group such items together and photograph them (without a Take sign in the frame) to inquire what you are supposed to do with low-value items thrift stores don’t want. It’s okay to say that rather than throwing them out, you can make use of them.

VALUABLES

Most people have items of value in the house that are not on display, either intentionally hidden or simply forgotten. As you empty drawers and closets, check inside boxes and envelopes, all the pockets of garments, within shoes and boots, every pocket of every purse and piece of luggage, and other potential hiding places. All cash, from pennies to bills, can go in that coffee can you brought. If anything is special about it—wheat stalk pennies, two dollar bills, foreign currency—put it in a sandwich bag to keep it separated.

Costume jewelry can go in a sandwich bag tucked into the money can or in a separate can if there’s a lot. Take the can(s) with you when you leave once it’s no longer just a little, or find out what the family wants done with it.

If you find other items of value, such as coins or stamp collections, furs, precious jewelry, or collectibles, photograph it and secure it off the premises if possible. If not, notify the family and ask what they want you to do with such items. Set them well out of sight and away from any items soon to leave the premises.

If you happen to know an item that appears ordinary is in fact collectible, treat it like any other item of value. If it’s something you collect, ask the family if you can buy it.

WHAT TO SET ASIDE FOR THE FAMILY

In addition to cash and other items of obvious value, family members may have specific items they want you to be on the lookout for, from furniture to paintings to Mom’s wedding dress. As you find them, photograph and confirm with the family that you have the correct item. It’s up to the family to evenly divide what has been set aside, so the fact that the expensive jewelry is going to the daughters while the son is getting old hand tools is not your problem.

There are many other things that are the family’s to deal with that need to be separated from the rest.

Set aside all financial papers, from wills to bank statements. Include insurance policies, deeds to property, birth certificates, marriage papers, uncashed checks, stock certificates, financial account statements, tax documents, mail from brokerage houses, and similar items. Organization is not your job. Set it all aside for the executor of the estate or for whoever is managing the affairs of the person. Box it all up and label it with a wide-tip marker.

Set aside unopened mail, sorted by Clearly Junk and Could Be Something. Put the items you believe to be bills or payments in a gallon plastic bag. Find out how the executor or person managing money wants to handle such items.

Set aside all photographs and other memorabilia like postcards, playbills, autograph books, journals and diaries, letters and greeting cards, handwritten recipes, souvenirs, etc. Box them up and label them. The lone exception might be what the family may prefer not to know about, such as pornography, sex toys, or Neo-Nazi or other hate-related items. If you’re doing this as a professional, your contract should reflect your client’s preferences, whether you have discretion to dispose of such items or are to sort them like all other possessions.

Set aside heirlooms. Ideally, you’ll know what’s an heirloom, but don’t count on it. If an item could be an heirloom, save it for the family. This includes fine china, crystal, silverware, sterling serving pieces, barware, art, display items, oriental rugs, antique furniture, and lots more. You’ll know most of it when you see it.

Set aside any computer, cell phone, or other electronic device, with cords and chargers.

Set aside any address book or file. People who exchange Christmas cards often keep just the envelopes to note the current addresses.

WHAT’S UNDETERMINED

Set aside items that are clearly incomplete. The cookie jars without lids, Chinese teapot separated from its cups, the plate that holds the matching pitcher, etc. often turn up to be reunited.

Bag and tape (or otherwise keep together) any broken parts to other items. Is it worth the repair if you have the broken bits? Not your decision.

Set aside things that you’re not sure the family will want to keep, but they might. This might include saved magazines and newspapers, display items that are clearly not expensive, incomplete projects, refrigerator magnets, vinyl records, and all sorts of things.

ROOM BY ROOM

Arrive with your phone and take a picture or video of the room where you will work and the sorted items, even if they’re boxed or in bags. Plug your phone into its charger and do the day’s sorting, then when you are done for the day, take a second picture or video. This shows your progress and proves what condition you left the place in. If you ever suspect a break-in, you’ll be able to compare pictures. If anyone accuses you of not doing the job, you have proof you did.

Start with the bathrooms. Nearly all that’s in them will be discarded, and there’s little or no furniture to deal with. Box up towels and shower curtains; if there is such a thing, leave out a worn or damaged towel for hand-drying. Leave hand soap, cleaning products and supplies, tissues, and toilet paper, which you are likely to use before the job is complete. Nearly everything else (except small appliances like shavers and hair dryers) can be discarded unless it is unopened an unexpired, in which case it can be donated. Dispose of medications safely, especially prescription medications. You may have to bag it up and seek a safe disposal event. You’ll be using the bathrooms every time you work at the task, so it’s not a bad idea to clean once it’s empty.

There’s going to be a lot of trash. Confirm whether you inconvenience others by filling a substantial portion of a shared dumpster, whether bagged or boxed trash not in a can or dumpster will be picked up, whether there are critters who will rip it open and make a mess, and so on. You don’t want your work on emptying the house to bother others.

Next is the kitchen, usually the worst to deal with, with little chance of uncovering anything of value. If it isn’t clean, wash the dishes first. While they dry, empty the unopened, unexpired food in the cupboards into boxes. Be aware donated items cannot be expired or past their Best By dates, even if they are still safe to consume. Place the items in Trash, Take, or Donate area. Pack up pots and pans, small appliances, utensils, knives, tableware, and other unbreakables and move the boxes to the appropriate area for disposal. Unless the family is hurting for cash, most of what’s in the kitchen will be donated rather than sold.

When you box things up, label it in wide-tip marker and stack so the marked sides or ends are all on display. It’s very helpful when people can look at stacked boxes and read what’s in each one, even if the box is in the Donate area. Add notations like HEAVY and FRAGILE as needed.

Go through the items in the refrigerator. Items requiring refrigeration or freezing cannot typically be donated, but if you feel they are safe, you can bag them up to take with you when you leave for the day, with the family’s permission.

Pack up the breakables last. Liquor boxes are great for glassware. Never place glassware on its side, no matter how well wrapped. Pad between every plate or bowl (Styrofoam plates are great for this) and set them flat in stacks no more than eight high, even if they’re only headed to a thrift store.

Last are the junk drawers. Most of it’s literally junk, but some belongs in Take or Donate, or Undetermined.

If you find product manuals that go with small appliances, put them together. Manuals for major appliances can be put inside each one or bagged and the bag taped to its outside.

When the kitchen is fully empty, surface clean it: wipe cabinet surfaces inside, clean counters, sweep the floor. Unlike the bathroom, this cleaning is necessary to keep vermin from finding anything to eat.

After the bathrooms and kitchen are done, the rest is easy in comparison. Pack up books—keep an eye out for photo albums, yearbooks, and books old enough to be of value—without making the boxes too heavy. Separate any vintage (pre-1965) or designer clothes or shoes for resale and pack the remaining clothing, shoes, coats, hats, and umbrellas for donation. Set aside sports equipment and musical instruments for the family to decide on. In the living room and other rooms, carefully pack and label display items, DVDs, CDs, etc. so all cabinets and drawers are empty. Tape remote controls to the back of the thing they operate, using packing tape. (Dust it first or it won’t stick.) Coil electric cords and secure with twist ties. As dressers and nightstands are emptied, move them into the living room if there’s space.

THE END IN SIGHT

Eventually you’ll have only furniture and sorted items, most in boxes you’ve labeled or bagged for donation. The Take and Trash signs can come down.

Leave the house broom clean, working around the boxes and bags of sorted items and the furniture. Your job was clearing out the house. Family may hire a cleaning service, or may hire you, but you don’t owe deep cleaning as part of emptying the house. It’s common for the family to gather to make decisions about the items you’ve set aside; they can all clean together.

The family may choose to gather to deal with the items you have sorted or to send a representative. That person must arrange for the disposition of everything remaining, from shipping the heirlooms to scheduling pick-up by or delivery to a thrift store for the Donate items. That isn’t your job.

The family may ask you to be present for Craigslist sales, to take items to thrift stores, or to host a garage sale. You are not obligated to agree. Your work is done. If as a professional you do anything more, it is outside your contract and is paid for separately. If you’re part of the family, ask that you be compensated for the time and effort you’ve already put in that they have not, and seek more if they ask more of you Being the nearest relative doesn’t obligate you to do it all.

When you clear people’s homes for money, you need to be bonded, to have a contract in place before you begin, and to be paid at certain points of completion, not at completion. A family intending to pay for your work when the house is empty may learn there is no money in the estate before you finish and refuse to pay from their own funds.

Arrange for payments by automatic money transfer, rather than waiting for a check in the mail. You prove a portion of the work is done by photographs. You do not proceed until you have been paid.

Public Figures

Fat Shaming is a big deal these days. Quite a few young, active people who are not overweight don't see what's wrong with it. Isn't being fat directly the fault of the lazy-ass chip-crunching couch potato they're shaming?

One day these people will enter that stage of their lives when they are too busy at work and at home to exercise, when they spend days or weeks hungry, their light meals unable to sate their appetites, when they exercise three times as much, lose a little weight, but will not be able to maintain that lifestyle and put those pounds and a little more back on in less than half the time it took to lose it. What lardbuckets they'll be!

People who are overweight know it. They have mirrors, friends and family who occasionally show disdain for their bodies and eating habits, and strangers delighted to make them feel disgusting. It seems to be to be an extension of that juvenile stance of building up one's own self-esteem by being critical of others.

I'm not saying it's okay to be fat. Being more that somewhat overweight is bad for your health in all kinds of ways. What I'm saying is that another person's weight is none of your damned business. Keep your ugly opinion to yourself.

Today's Twitter feed included people criticizing two different politicians, both of whom obviously struggle with their weight. Someone remarked how one looked like he wore an overnight diaper under his trousers. But had we seen this other man, who looked like a beached whale? Or like he'd eaten a whale! Three people I know to be decent and kind to others thought this was okay, even funny.

My political opinions directly oppose everything these two politicians are attempting to legislate, but I still found criticizing their appearance both abhorrent and pointless. Who cares what they look like? Let's judge our politicians on their platforms and actions.

Every time you criticize the body of a public figure, your unkind words remind every overweight person what you think of them, too, even if you're too polite to say it.